Supercalimuthafucka!

Dear diary,

Today, I was going to buy some more copies of angsty literature so I could hate mainstream America some more, when I discovered that Mary Poppins herself was having a booksigning at the store. I couldn't get through because of all her stupid fans, I actually had to wait in line. I sighed a lot to get people to move around me, but they were entranced by Julie Andrews' British accent (probably fake).

So I was pissed, and decided to make fun of Poppins, because I'm angsty and I can. I gave her a spoonful of sugar, hell to the yeah.

Me: Julie Andrews?
Julie Andrews: Yes?
Me: (smirking) The Princess Diaries 2? Seriously?
Julie: (shrugging) Sista's gotta eat.
Me: But it has Anne Hathaway in it. Come on.
Julie: Look, you cheeky lass. I can't live on The Sound of Music residuals forever.
Me: Girl, please. That movie was like Glitter meets Gigli.

OMG, she was mad when I said that. She stood up, and she slapped me!

Julie: Chim chimerie this!

I fell backwards and landed on top of someone's vanilla latte on a table. I got coffee and Splenda all over my black coat. By the time I got up, Mary Poppins was being whisked away by security. I wasn't about to let her get away with this, so I yelled, "The hills are alive with the sound of pain, bitch!"

Sigh,
Whiny Girl