Fabulous

Dear Diary,

I don't know why girls don't want to date me. I'm a nice guy. I get manis and pedis. I'm clean. I treat them with respect, just like I would my mother, whom I adore.

Those new pants I bought at Express for Men are great. They are kinda tight, but the salesman said they're supposed to be that way. He also caressed my arm and asked where I hang out. I didn't answer because I was too busy staring at my own reflection.

Ooh, a Red Apple Sale! Gtg, diary! Ttyl!

Love,
The Guy in the Closet But Doesn't Know It